#TeamWhiddon

Round 1 seemed like a resounding success. I mean, as big a "resounding success" as you could hope for when you've got the cancer. The bloodwork numbers look good and the doctor said I don't need to come for bloodwork again before the next round of chemo. But today starts Round 2. I have a strange mixture of emotions. I'm curious about what the second round will do. (I feel pretty lucky that, aside from fatigue, I didn't have a lot of side effects after Round 1, but I also know the effects build up with each successive round.) I'm anxious about those possible side effects (and because they're pumping me full of stuff that they take out of a bag with a label that makes it look like a prop from a Zombie Apocalypse movie). And, strangely, I'm excited to knock even more of this cancer out. Rest assured, though, whatever side effects there might be, you're gonna hear about it. Let's face it, I lack the basic ability to keep my mouth shu...

So despite telling the barber to leave the beard alone, she decided it would be nice just to neaten it up. The problem with that, though, is that not only did the SLIGHTLY fuller beard hide the tumor on my jaw, but my beard is patchy and the only way to sonewhat mask the patchiness is to keep the beard a little longer. So I decided to shave that too. i didn'y eliminate it entirely, just shaved it back to a goatee. That's when it atruck me how much I loved shaving. To be honest, shaving well end enjoyably does take a little time but with the right setup it's relaxing, possibly even zen-like experience. And a really high quality shaving setup doesn't have to cost a fortune. (As you will see, you can get some of these items right at Walmart. Here's my setup (since being like me is likely your life's ambition now). I use a Merkur double-edged aafety razor (think anout the razor your graddad used) with Wilkinson Sword blades. (Everyone's choice in blade...

Big decision day. Inwas planning to do this when it got to the point that it was definitely noticeable. But seeing the amount of hair in my hands in the shower this morning and worrying all yesrerday and last night about WHEN it will happen, decided FUCK THIS! Cancer doesn't get to control everything. I decide when I'm losing my hair, not some fucking disease. Headed to the barbershop now to get it all shaved off. i het to be in charge of this part!

Today's nit the day I got diagnosed. Today's not the port install. Today's not the PET scan, the first day of chemo or the first blood test after round 1 when we find out if things are headed in the right direction. Those days are all in the rear view mirror now. What today IS is the day I took a shower, ran my hands through my hair and beard and had massive amounts of hair in my hands. It's also the day I noticed my chest hair, leg hair and arm hair were a lot thinner than they had been. 2 weeks... 2 weeks to the day from my first chemo treatment is the day I really noticed losing my hair. I own a LOT of hats, (just ask my wife). And the truth is I LOVE wearing hats. Besides, think of all the time I'll save putting product in my hair, trimming my beard, combing my hair... I could seriously add MINUTES to my week! Keep a smile, right? Might not mean it but maybe it'll draw some attention away from the fact that I might look like I've got a bleache...

"This chemo's not so bad." I actually thought that. I didn't really have any major side effects so I figured I was going to skate through this. Chemo was rough on everyone else, sure. But clearly that wasn't going to be the case for Big Steve! Oh, what a fool I was! I woke up yesterday initially excited for the last day of school, ready to celebrate our amazing kids and teachers for another great year at "The Woods." That excitement was very quickly replaced with the very unsettling feeling that my heart (and entire torso and head for that matter) was going to fucking explode! Am I having a heart attack?!? Never had one of those, but I've also never had cancer, so when it rains it pours it seems. My blood pressure was a little high (understandable) but not to a level that was a big concern. Pulse was fine. Temperature was fine. Time to call the on-call doctor. Turns out that's a fairly normal thing. Normal? Are you kidding me? No...

I'm coming to a very hard realization here... I can't do everything I think I can do. I was so filled with positive optimism (despite the last post). I have never had as much fun playing pickleball as I did this past Saturday. I went hard for 2 hours and felt great. Then I went to play yesterday. I literally played 2 games before I started to get lightheaded and dizzy... tunnel vision and throbbing headache. It was all fine. I didn't pass out or anything, but did get pretty discouraged. Of course, Jen did remind me that on Saturday I was still feeling the effects of 5 days off 100mg of Prednesone. (Apparently that's a lot of steroids, which would explain why I had so much energy.) Don't get me wrong, I've been tired a lot for years but I've never felt as much like an old person as I do right now. I felt bad for my inlaws that if they took a trip to Publix, that was pretty much what they were able to do for the day... a trip to the grocery store wa...

I am very proud to be an Irish American. I'm also very proud to be Catholic. The downside to both of these things individually (and apparently far more when combined) is the constant heaping servings of guilt and pessimism. Or maybe that's not an Irish or a Catholic thing -- maybe it's just me, but damned if I can't take any silver lining and find its cloud. So last week was my first week of chemo. Since my cancer is aggressive, the chemo regimen is also aggressive. (And honestly, I told the doctor to be as aggressive fighting it as he could... I have too much left to do to be kicking off at age 52!) But the aggressive chemo does make for some longer days at the hospital. The schedule right now is for 6 rounds of chemo, 3 weeks apart. Each round is a 3-day process... Monday I get 4 or 5 different types of chemo and then Tuesday and Wednesday I get one type. (The Tuesday and Wednesday chemos are the same as one I get on Monday, but it has to be administered in ...

My skin... all of it... had been unbearably itchy for years. I had seen my primary care doctor, a dermatologist, an allergist... everyone I could think of. Primary care doctor... looks like a rash, just take some Claritin. Dermatologist PA... try these pills, creams and ointments. Skin biopsy showed nothing other than a rash (or whatever "spongy dermatitis" is.) Allergist... all the allergy tests came back negative, no allergies. Blood tests showed some numbers out of the "normal" range but when I asked my PCP about them he wasn't concerned. But still the itching. I couldn't sleep so I was always exhausted. I had literally scratched holes in my skin leaving bleeding sores all over my legs and arms (gross... sorry). For totally unrelated reasons, I had to switch to a new PCP who recommended a different dermatologist. It was only a matter of seconds before she told me I had horrible eczema. (I had asked my initial PCP about eczema specifically and he very de...

I wanted to start this blog to help keep people up to date on my journey through this whole cancer thing. BUT let me be clear right up front, I am not asking for anything! At someone's recommendation I watched the CBS documentary "Scamanda" and the idea that someone would fake having cancer just for her own personal and financial gain sickens me. I am not looking for any donations, gifts, "bucket list" experiences, or any of that. After having to type the same updates again and again, I just thought this would be an easier way to expedite the process. And there are definitely things that, as I go through this, caught me totally by surprise. So if my words bring some comfort to someone or make someone feel less alone in their journey, that's fantastic. Friends have given me gifts, started a meal train, etc. and I am beyond grateful, but I DO have cancer and I'm not writing this blog to ask for anything. If this blog ends up inspiring you to do anyt...