But You Can't

I'm coming to a very hard realization here... I can't do everything I think I can do. I was so filled with positive optimism (despite the last post). I have never had as much fun playing pickleball as I did this past Saturday. I went hard for 2 hours and felt great. Then I went to play yesterday. I literally played 2 games before I started to get lightheaded and dizzy... tunnel vision and throbbing headache. It was all fine. I didn't pass out or anything, but did get pretty discouraged. Of course, Jen did remind me that on Saturday I was still feeling the effects of 5 days off 100mg of Prednesone. (Apparently that's a lot of steroids, which would explain why I had so much energy.) Don't get me wrong, I've been tired a lot for years but I've never felt as much like an old person as I do right now. I felt bad for my inlaws that if they took a trip to Publix, that was pretty much what they were able to do for the day... a trip to the grocery store was the big (and only) activity. I totally didn't get it. I figured if you really wanted to do more, just push through. I kind of get it now. Not saying that a trip to Target will do me in for the day. I'm not at that point, but I damn sure can't do the stuff I felt like I could do a couple of weeks ago. So I guess I need to spread bigger projects out over several days. Thank God I started getting my room packed up, instruments cleaned, etc. before the first round of chemo. Otherwise I'd be here until the end of June just putting things away for the summer. This is definitely a tough pill to swallow. I want to just push through it and keep going. I feel like I should be able to do that. But it's not a matter of just pushing down harder on the accelerator. There's no gas left in the tank!

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