“Feeling Good? Hold My Beer.” Signed: Your Body

"This chemo's not so bad." I actually thought that. I didn't really have any major side effects so I figured I was going to skate through this. Chemo was rough on everyone else, sure. But clearly that wasn't going to be the case for Big Steve! Oh, what a fool I was! I woke up yesterday initially excited for the last day of school, ready to celebrate our amazing kids and teachers for another great year at "The Woods." That excitement was very quickly replaced with the very unsettling feeling that my heart (and entire torso and head for that matter) was going to fucking explode! Am I having a heart attack?!? Never had one of those, but I've also never had cancer, so when it rains it pours it seems. My blood pressure was a little high (understandable) but not to a level that was a big concern. Pulse was fine. Temperature was fine. Time to call the on-call doctor. Turns out that's a fairly normal thing. Normal? Are you kidding me? Normal, like I'm going to keep feeling like this? Holy Christ on a cross, I didn't sign up for this! Turns out, as the on-call doctor let me know, it's not that unusual. When they're pumping you with 5 different types of chemo, that's a lot of poison floating around in your body. And with a port, it's starting out with a direct line straight to my heart. Fan-effing-tastic! Long story short (too late I know), I made it in to celebrate the last day of school. The feeling my heart was going to explode went away a bit. And now I have something else shitty to get used to. Turns out chemo really is going to suck... even for me.

Comments

  1. Eirikterps19 June 2025 at 11:45

    Steve, I can relate! After my recent health adventure, there are times when I think that I’m feeling the healthiest I have in years and start to feel a little bulletproof and then my body reminds me that I’ve gone through a major trauma event and the pendulum swings and I become hyper sensitive to every potential symptom thinking it’s a sign of something major - reach out to the doctors and they come back with “that’s normal.” I found that there are patient communities and support resources that are available and reaching out to other patients that are going through the same thing is really helpful.

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    1. Steve19 June 2025 at 14:09

      Definitely. I’m glad you found a peer resource. A friend recommended I look into the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and they do have a lot of resources, including peer-to-peer support.

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