#TeamWhiddon

Well last Wednesday was day 3 of Cycle 3 of chemo. So if the original plan stays as is, that marked halfway through my chemo. Tomorrow is my “halfway through” PET scan and let me tell you, I’m terrified. I have no idea what the scan will show, so on the one hand, there’s no reason to be worried. After all, I don’t know it will show anything bad (worse). But on the other hand, I don’t know that it will show any improvements either! I should be looking forward to it… and I try to keep convincing myself of that. I have been wondering since the first cycle if the chemo was working. There’s not a way to just “know.” I mean, I don’t feel sick, but I never felt sick before my diagnosis, so that’s really not an indicator. The itching has gone down somewhat, but it isn’t GONE. Jen said my skin looks a lot better and that’s typically a really good sign that the cancer is improving. But only time will tell. Well, time and tomorrow’s PET scan. More of the debilitating mental game of ...

I was doing a pretty decent job just pretending I don’t have cancer. (Easiest way for me to deal with it at the current moment.) But the “Stand Up to Cancer” during the All-Star game last night got me. I always thought it was a great thing they do and seeing everyone (fans, players, coaches, umps, broadcasters…) take time to pause the game and hold up signs where they wrote who they were standing up for was always touching, and I know that not everyone’s “name” was someone who had died (though obviously some were), but it was never supposed to be MY name on one of those signs. (Rest assured… my name was on NO signs since I don’t believe I knew anyone at the game.) It does make it hit home, though, that there isn’t anyone it seems who manages to escape knowing someone whose life is affected by cancer. Just seeing the number of people in the cancer ward at the hospital drives home just how many people there are who are fighting this in some form. Still, wasn’t supposed to be me (w...

Cancer's a big deal. Probably not news to anyone, right? But, when you have cancer (or any other life-changing event for that matter), you come to accept it. You don't like it, but you accept that you have it. (In my case, I have totally come tomaccept that I have cancer. I have not, and possibly WILL not, come to accept that cancer could kill me. Intellectually, of course, I know that but I can't wrap my mind around that and I refuse to let that occupy my head space at all.) But through some work with my therapist (definitely get a therapist, btw, everyone has something in their lives it would help to work through), I am understanding more that different people in your lives reach that point of acceptance at different times. It came as a shock to me, though, that I (the person who actually HAS the disease) would be able to come to the point of acceptance faster than everyone else. I had assumed it would likely be the opposite. But that is actually where it gets h...